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September 01, 2004

Barnie Day: Day Two--Girlymaan!

Hey, guys, when are ya'll going to take the wraps off of those crazy, glassy-eyed right-wingers who define the Republican Party and let them have some face time, as in Tee-Vee time? We're through Day Two of the Republican Convention, and so far not a real Republican in sight.

Aw-nold? Girlymann? The butt pincher? Please.

Aw-nold doesn't even think like a real Republican. He's on the wrong side of all the template issues. Abortion? Aw-nold is pro-choice. Fiscal conservatism? Can you keep a secret? They're borrowing their way out of the jam in California. That's right, putting it on a credit card that their children will be paying for a hundred years. Kinda like Gilmore's borrow and spend gang here in Virginia.

Jerry Falwell is wandering around New York with a prayer in his pocket, waiting for someone to invite him to give it. And Pat Roberston is sitting at home for the first time in decades. You didn't invite your main man? What's with that? You know you can't hide Jerry and Pat under a bushel.

Let's see. Let me check the schedule here. Surely, on Day Three, you'll put a real Republican front and center during prime time.

Hmmm. Nope. I'm mistaken. Next in the line-up is Zell Miller--the same guy who key-noted Bill Clinton.

Okay, I think I'm starting to get it now. I see. Your plan is to get through the Republican Convention without having to show a real Republican. Smart. Damn smart.

Maybe that way folks won't bring up the world-record deficit you've run up, the increase in poverty--not in some third-world country--but here in the U. S. under your administration. Maybe that way folks will forget the empty factories, the millions of lost jobs, the infrastructure you've dismantled and shipped overseas. Maybe that way folks won't be reminded that it's easier to get U. S. government sponsored health insurance in Iraq than it is here. Maybe that way folks won't remember that the incidents of terrorism, of attacks, of murders, of senseless maimings are up--and up dramatically--all around the world since 9-11. Up, not down. Have increased, not decreased. Maybe that way, folks won't be reminded of all the American casualties--nearly a thousand deaths now, tens of thousands of injuries--since Dubya had that little 'Mission Accomplished' fly-in to that carrier.

Well, enough of that. Hey, I'm a Patriot. I'll do my part to keep this illusion, this delusion going.

Laura Bush was swell last night. Little nervous, but that's understandable. That grunt she emits between sentences is cute in an endearing way. She truly is a class act.

Whoever put the twins out front is probably looking for a job this morning. That move was as dumb as a bag of hammers. And if that little stand-up they did is indicative, apparently so are they. My guess is the folks at Yale are reviewing their admissions standards right about now.

And how 'bout Cheney? Has he been having fun or what?

The Vice President looks like he's waiting for a root canal. His wife looks like she just had hers, and the pain killer is wearing off.

But, hey, guys! You're not by yourself! I'm with you! I think we've all got one coming.

And good luck tonight, Dick. Make Halliburton proud.

Posted by laura at September 1, 2004 10:24 AM

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